Sometimes you can't tell whether the glass is full or empty

My cute little cousin posted a quote on her tumblr that I'm struggling with. It says that forgiveness is something like letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different. But I'm feeling like that definition suits so many things: forgiveness, sure, but also regret. Currently I'm struggling with a shitload of regret. I regret that I didn't study harder for that stupid bar exam. One of my besties cocked her head and lowered her eyebrows the other day, gently asking, "Are you really worried about it? Statistically, you passed." And yes I know that the numbers are in my favor for the thumbs up, but the numbers also give a middle finger to a whole lot of people every year, even if it isn't the majority. I regret that I didn't put on a tidier show in that job interview I had several weeks ago; the job that would have tidied up my money situation; the job that they gave to someone else. I regret that I can't seem to really get back my everything is going to be okay mojo.

But I am a proponent of fake it until you make it! I am all moved in to the new apartment, and it's honestly wonderful. By "all moved in" of course I mean that all of my shit is now inside of it, but naturally there is always box-emptying and organizing to be done. I sometimes say that I inherited the Murphy packrat gene, but the truth is that I was raised by people who had to work hard to make sure that everyone had enough, and we always had more than enough because of straight up frugality and saving things that might be useful in the future. So I tend to save things that might be useful in the future. Or maybe they have sentimental value, which holds complete sway over me. Or maybe I don't want to pitch it in the garbage and can't think of an appropriate place for it to go.

Anyway, just like I boasted, the new place is spacious and sunny and close enough to downtown to walk but not so close that I'm tempted to go eat out every night. Pretty good. And though I do spend a lot of time looking for jobs with a frown on my face, I get to do fun things. I'm trying really hard to get in a frame of mind that is focused on finding a job but also relishing this forced vacation. I have absolute freedom, and that is a rare animal to find.